People hearing without listening

As one gets older as the years go by, true friends become harder and harder to come by. Inner circles and cliques become hard to break, especially among people in high places.

Everyone appears to 'have it all together' but in the shadows may be silent cries no one hears.

And in the naked light I saw, Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking, People hearing without listening,
People writing songs, that voices never share.
And no one dared, Disturb the sound of silence.

‘The Sounds of Silence’ by Simon and Garfunkel

‘The Sounds of Silence’ sung by Atrocity in the movie trailer for ‘Watchmen’

Easing back into my routine

Yesterday was my first day back at work after my ten days holiday.

For ten days, I did not even take a little peek at my email. Usually towards last few days of a holiday, I sometimes log into my work email just get myself mentally prepared for the barrage of emails that awaits me upon my return.

I really did intend to check in, but on Day 8 of my break, after I had pulled up the remote access login page to my work email, my mind literally went blank as I paused to remember my email password.

This must be a sign of a good holiday… I was so completely immersed in it that I could even forget something so essential to my daily work routine. Sigh.

I thought that I would have to go through the whole rigmarole of reporting the issue to IT and resetting my password and all… but as I plonked down in front of my desk and loaded up the login screen on my desktop, the epiphany came just like that!

I smiled, keyed in the nine magical characters, and grinned in glee when the machine’s acceptance was bestowed.

So that was my first non-drama at my first day back at work.

Other nice things that greeted me at my desk…

A gift hamper from a client - in appreciation of half killing myself rushing out a report right up to the last moment before I went on leave. Contents of the hamper include Lindt chocolates and Chandon Brut sparkling wine.

Home cooked soup for lunch by hubby - hubby’s survival strategy for the entire period I was away was to cook up a massive pot of soup at the start of the week, and live on it for the next 3-4 days. It was such a massive batch, there was still plenty left for me as well when I got back. How nice… at least I don’t need to plunge straight back into the whole cooking routine immediately.

It is nice to have little things like this to help me ease back gently into my routine.

I’m home

Flew back to Perth on Tuesday night.

This is the last image I captured in KK before boarding the plane.

I touched down in Perth early on Wednesday morning. As the captain was announcing the plane’s descent, as usual I looked out the window to catch a glimpse of the place we were about to land on.

It’s strange that your feelings toward a place can change depending on your state of life in relation to that place at that time.

When I was working in Singapore, whenever I flew over to Perth for a holiday or a short getaway, the view of Perth always brings a calm, relaxed feeling of serenity… and when returning to Singapore, all the responsibilities and stress of work come rushing in once the sight of that little island comes into view.

This time, as I felt the jolt of the plane’s wheels touching down on the runway of Perth airport, I was literally jolted back to reality, and at the back of my mind I was already mentally running through all the things I needed to do when I go back to work.

However one thing remains unchanged, when I look down on that aerial view of the sandy rim of the Sabah coastline, and see the familiar shapes of the islands of Tunku Abdul Rahman park, I immediately know…

“I’m home”

Freezing the picture

After going through all those old photos and sifting through archives of memories in my mind, I thought it appropriate to share this latest picture of my family taken this CNY...

10 years from now, perhaps I might find myself sitting cross-legged on the floor, flipping through old photo albums and smiling to myself as I recall the day we took this photo...

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture

And save it from the funny tricks of time

Slipping through my fingers all the time

- ABBA -

Other images from my CNY holiday in KK here and here

Posting up old photos is addictive

After a leisurely week of new year festivities, family time and catch ups with friends, people are now switching gears back to work/school mode.

I’m spending my last couple of days in KK at the computer, checking emails, sifting through my rss feeds, and sorting through photos.

I had started to look through old photo albums over the weekend , and I can tell you, it can get pretty addictive!

So here I am flipping through old photographs, sometimes grinning to myself at funny childhood images of my family and of old friends.

Spent most of the morning uploading the favourite ones on facebook, here’s a glimpse of some of them…

Early days of Zionkidz…

With my brothers…

Cute little cousins at my grandma’s house…

Junior Youths at BCCM Retreat Centre…

It’s addictive I tell you… after I post up this blog, I’m diving into another album for more!

What’s new…

Some initial images of what’s new around the house…

Scholarly view of the family - photos prepared and arranged especially to commemorate the reunion.

Oceans of cookies and goodies - pineapple tarts are homemade by my mum.

Doggies… erm, not really new - but gloriously happy to see me and lavish in their kisses and snuffles.

More later.

Classic questions

I'm home!!! Back to the land where I first entered this world.

My flight was long and dull, and I'm presently nursing a cold, suffered a splitting headache the first night after I arrived, was woken up by the neighbour's rooster crowing at 4.30am... but I consider all these things minor inconveniences for this absolutely beautiful time of just being around the people I love.

I wanted to take a snapshot of something funny that indicated where this 'home' is and post a "Guess where I am?" header... but between all the eating, and talking, and meet and greet sessions with friends, family, acquantainces, I haven't had the chance to even pull my camera out at all.

I've only been here two days, but already I've been confronted by situations which I'm already finding somewhat challenging to navigate.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present to you... the top three classic questions someone is sure to ask you after you turn 20:

Number One: When are you getting a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Number Two: When are you getting married?

Number Three: When are you having kids?

...All classic timeworn questions, but still great favourites... All meant in harmless jest by the asker put forward in (hopefully) affectionate and/or playful tones.

I've survived through the first two tests... but I'm still trying to make the grade with the third. Sorry did I say 'test'? Maybe a better word for it is 'race'. After the exam race, the degree race, the honours race, the job race, the money race, the house race, the wedding race... there's still the baby race, the children's exam race, the children's degree race... and the cycle goes on and on...

Sometimes these playful jabs, though unitentional, may cause hurt. But the answerer can never show this. If they decide to be frank and tell it out straight as it is, they are patted on the back and told not to stress out and let it happen in God's time etc. etc. etc. The other option is to return with an equally playful or lighthearted reply to mitigate any worry or concern from the asker, in which case it will possibly be met with gentle reminders not to take it for granted, they're not getting any younger, the need to take action etc. etc. etc.

If I'm not in an especially good mood, those comments can sometimes annoy the heck out of me, because my answers would simply be: "No, I'm not" and "Yes, I know".

I sometimes feel compelled to give a reason or explanation to the questioning looks... if not out loud, at least to myself... to find fault with myself... because by doing so, I'm almost trying to grasp desperately at a hope that the solution will come when I rectify the issue I'm at fault with.

It's sometimes easier if we knew the 'why', then we can deal with the 'how'... but what does one do when there are a thousand and one possibilities to the big 'why'?

For Emeth

Mishu to Emeth: "meow meow! mew mew mew. mew mew mew mew. mew mew mew meeeeeeeeeow mew mew. mew mew mew mew. meeew mew meeeow"

Translation: "Hello, Emeth! How are you? Thank you for thinking of me. My owner Serene loves looking at your photos and thinks you are a very handsome boy. I hope you are a good boy to your mummy and daddy. Be nice to cats."

(This is in response to Irene's comment about Emeth asking to see the 'meow')

A food post

To make up for the last week of dead silence, my entire Saturday morning will be dedicated to updating this space. Plus I just need DO and THINK about something else that has nothing whatsoever to do with work for at least two hours.

And that something else folks shall be food:

1. I came across this recipe from karencheng's site - pears poached in red wine. I had this mini-craving for a red wine, but for reasons explained in the note below, I could not indulge... so this was the perfect substitute... sometimes you just feel like savouring something rich and 'winy' (learnt this word from Irene).

It's SO simple - peel pears, pour a whole bottle of red wine into pot, add sugar and spices, and simmer for an hour.

FYI: For those of you that don't know, I have completely sworn off alcohol for now... and no it's not because of what you think... this is purely for reasons related to health and well-being. It was little tough at first because I sooooo love enjoying a glass of full-bodied red every now and then. And it has been difficult to explain myself every time I find myself at an event or gathering that involves alcohol (no more Friday beers for me!). I do not think I have a problem with alcoholism or have any alcoholic tendencies at all as I found it pretty easy to make the switch in a blink. But once you have developed a palate for something good, you can't help missing it occasionally. Perhaps I may be able to have a sip one day in the future if the situation changes. But for now, not having any qualms with this decision.

2. I'm sure everyone has at least one quickie meal recipe, which they fall back on in times of need. Something classic, reliable and a sure winner at the dinner table, but fairly simple to prepare for those nights where you just don't feel like going through the whole rigmarole of chopping, preparing, marinating...

Off the top of my head, my quickie sure-winner dinner meals include:

• Macaroni and ikan bilis soup - topped with baby spinach and fishballs
• Indomee (because I can get my hubby to cook this as his 'speciality')
• Cheerios (just kidding! scratch that - as much as I love it I never serve Cheerios as dinner)
• Beehoon fried with cabbage and luncheon meat
• Mee suah with pork mince in a simple broth
• And now for something different...

Sausages roasted with red grapes:

This is a genius recipe I learnt from some celebrity chef not long ago (can't remember which one now). Just place some sausages in a pan (pork sausages taste better) and scatter some grapes (seedless red recommended) and drizzle with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Roast in oven for 20 minutes or so.

The combination of the sausages with the sweet tartiness of the grapes is just, as I said, genius! I usually serve it with some instant side dish (like cous cous, instant macaroni+cheese) or if possible, mash potatoes - works best with sausages.

3. I made Hainanese chicken rice last Sunday. I do enjoy making it sometimes, and it's so efficient to be able to maximise the use of the chicken to produce a main meat dish, soup, and using some of the stock for the chicken rice. No pictures of the chicken because I am horrible at at slicing/carving chicken... whenever I try to slice it up, everything just falls apart. I don't know whether it's because I don't have a good knife, or the texture of the meat is not perfect, or I'm just bad at it. It still tastes good, though.

But allow me to show you the most important condiment I made...

Essential ingredients are basically chilli, ginger, garlic, lime juice, sesame oil, salt and sugar. I never keep track of the exact measurements... just agak-agak my way and just add a little bit more of this or that and keep whizzing it up in the food processor until it tastes just right.I received thumbs up from hubs for this batch. I think everyone has their own variation for making their own chilli sauce. Please feel free to share any tips and ideas.

Meaninglessness. Tiredness. Searching.

I caught up with a friend recently over lunch. We rambled on to each other about the usual things... work, family, holiday plans, spouses... lah de dah...

Then the conversation took a different turn.

He talked about realising how he had changed... the values that he clung to and the things that used to spur him on did not resonate with him the way they used to. I could relate to what he was saying, but I could not answer his question as to why we found it so.

Is it the things around us that have changed? Or is it us that have changed? Or... (worse still) is it because we find nothing around us has changed at all?

People are the same. Work is the same. Even church is the same. Sure, there are so many 'things' happening all the same. But the underlying essence of it all is still the same.

After our conversation, I essentially came away with this feeling:

Meaninglessness. Tiredness. Searching.

And I think it is not just us. I sense that this is the general feeling among many of our peers here. Is it a season we are just going through? Or is this becoming a permanent state?

During our conversation, he had asked me two questions:

"What made you decide to come here?"

"And do you find you are happier here?"

The first one question was easy enough... it was mostly circumstantial. But I hesitated a little at the second one. Because to answer it fully, I would already know the answer to the other big question at the back of my mind: "What does happiness mean to me?"

I answered him as truthfully as I could... that I was still finding the answer to the second question every day of my life.

I shared with him a phrase I had come across some time ago:

"Perhaps home is simply where you choose to let your heart
be at rest."