Our Christmas Day 2010

With so many night vigils spent nursing Nathan, I've had plenty of time to think and ponder over things. Every day I marvel at how much he is growing, yet how tiny and helpless he still is, clinging to me for every need. Before this, I often wondered how I would be able to have the strength to sacrifice sleep to tend to my baby... no more 8-hour sleeps and no more sleeping late in the morning. But it's amazing, the strength and tenacity just comes and you do what you need to do when the time comes.

The other thing I sometimes think about is how I had wondered how I would have the strength to go through the pain of labour. Like many girls, I used to agonise over the little details of what you had to go through... the contractions, the blood, the exhaustion... but I did it and now I know what it means when a mother says "once the baby is in your arms, the pain is forgotten". So I decided to journal my experience, not to freak out the yet-to-be-mums out there, but so I will remember this experience. I will try not to dwell over the gory and bloody bits too much.

24th December 2010, Christmas Eve

2.00am: I woke up feeling some discomfort in my chest and throat. It felt like a case of heartburn or reflux which I sometimes had during my pregnancy. I tossed and turned for a while, arranged pillows to prop myself up so I could sleep sitting up. It wasn't comfortable. I had a restless sleep for the rest of the wee hours of the morning.

6.30am: Woke up again with a tight feeling in my chest and stomach discomfort. I sat up and suddenly vomited on the floor. Hubby woke up and quickly handed me a T-shirt to wipe my face while I ran to the bathroom to continue vomiting.

7.30am: Helped hubby clean up the floor. It was carpet flooring so quite a nasty job cleaning up.

8.30am: Still feeling poorly. Called the hospital to tell them what happened. Midwife ran through a list of other symptoms I might be having. I didn't seem to have any other symptoms to indicate I was in labour. Midwife told me to rest a bit, stay hydrated and try to see if I can down a bit of juice, and call back later at around noon to update them.

9.30am: Sipped on some water and made an attempt at orange juice.

9.45am: Orange juice deposited in toilet. Vomiting and diarrhea.

10.00am: Slept.

11.00am: Sipped on some water and made an attempt at some honey water.

11.15am: Honey water deposited in toilet. More vomiting and diarrhea.

11.30am: Slept.

12:30am: Called hospital to update them. They ran through the list of symptoms again but still no clues. They advised me to rest and try and stay hydrated on ice cubes.

The rest of the afternoon was spent sleeping, visiting the toilet and sucking on ice cubes in between naps and toilet breaks.

6.30pm: Felt a 'leak' down there, went to the toilet and noticed a bit of pinkish discharge. Called hospital. Midwife asked me to describe the consistency of the blood and asked me to come into the hospital so they could check on me. She said no need to rush but just do the necessary preparations and bring our things and bags just in case.

Hubby got ready the bags, packed some snacks while I took a shower and changed into some fresh clothes.

8.00pm: Left the house. While in the car, I started to notice some mild contractions.

8.30pm: Arrived at hospital. Midwife checked my vitals (temperature, pulse, blood pressure) and had a look at the discharge in my pad which was now a brownish mucousy consistency. She confirmed that my water had broken and also said it seemed there was some meconium in my discharge (which meant baby had done a poo inside) which was not ideal, so she hooked me up to the fetal monitoring machine so they could continually monitor the baby's heart rate for any sign of distress. So far baby seemed ok.

9.00pm: First internal examination showed I was about 2cm dilated.

10.30pm: Doctor came in to check on me and do an internal examination. He said I should be put on a drip as I would be dehydrated due to all the vomiting and diarrhea I had today. Due to the meconium they also injected some oxytoxin to speed up the contractions.

11.30pm: Contractions got more and more intense as the clocked ticked on. I put on a TENS machine to help manage the contractions.

25th December 2010, Christmas Day

1.00am: Another internal examination. 2cm dilated still. Midwife says the first 2cm usually takes about 4 hours, but the remaining 8cm should be faster. So estimated that by about 5.00am I should be about 4cm dilated. Hubby decides to go home to get a couple of hours sleep.

2.30am: Contractions getting stronger. Upped the intensity of TENS machine.

3.30am: Midwife encouraged me to sit on a fitball to encourage my cervix to open up. Contractions getting really strong and very close together (due to the Oxytoxin). TENS machine losing effect. Felt very weak and fatigued due to lack of food and water. I decide to ask for gas (Entonox) pain relief.

4.30am: At the point where I feel like I'm going over the edge. No relief from TENS machine or Entonox at all.

5.00am: Another internal examination. Still only about 2cm dilated. Things were moving really slowly. Midwife says it could take at least another 8 hours (based on average 1cm per hour). Not sure how I could get through due to sheer exhaustion, fatigue and the intensity of the contractions from the oxytoxin. Decided to go for the epidural.

5.30am: Hubby comes back. Anesthetist arrives to administer epidural.

6.00am: Effect of epidural settling in. Managed to fall nap for a while.

For the next few hours, it was basically a waiting game. Midwives come in periodically to check on my vitals and baby's heart rate. Tried to sleep most of the time. Attempted to eat something around 8.00am and managed to eat two cherries, 2 grapes and half a piece of toast.

12.00pm: Hubs heads out to try and look for food but all the shops were closed due to Christmas Day public holiday. He enquired at the hospital reception on where he can get food. They said they will send up a tray of the Christmas lunch special (complimentary for support person).

1.00pm: Lunch served. For hubby only. Midwife says I can't have any food or drink from now onwards. So glad hubby can have a good lunch, poor man. It was a good lunch with roast turkey, roast beef, pumpkin soup, salad, sticky date pudding and ice cream.

2.30pm: Midwife comes in to check my cervix. I'm fully dilated and ready to start pushing.

With coaching and guidance from the midwife, I try my best to push for the next hour or so but by the end of the hour I was just plain exhausted with no strength at all left in my body.

3.30pm: Doctor comes in to assess. Due to the meconium they had detected earlier, he says the baby needs to be delivered as soon as possible. So they make preparations for an assisted delivery using forceps.

The next hour was basically the final leg of the journey. I'll spare you the details but thanks to the epidural, I was spared the worst. I still had to do some pushing at this stage to keep things progressing. The forceps only came in at the last moment for the final push...

4.28pm: I felt a sort of 'pop' and heard a strong cry. The midwifes place a wet, velvety bundle on my tummy and at the next moment I found myself looking at a pair of the most beautiful eyes gazing up at me. "Hello little Nathan!"

The next hour or so was a blur to me, but vaguely remembered the doctor guiding hubby to cut the umbilical cord, then working on me to help discharge the placenta, Baby Nathan was briefly taken aside to be weighed and checked by the pediatrician and midwife, and hubby held him while they finished stitching me and cleaning me... but most of the time he was with my for direct skin-to-skin contact.

I've heard babies being described as 'velvety' and although I thought it a sweet description, it was altogether an indescribable feeling to really feel that perfect velvet skin next to mine. I could hardly get over how perfect and complete Nathan was... a whole little person--wriggling, breathing, sighing, nuzzling... after all the anticipation, we could finally hold our little bundle of joy.

Photo courtesy of our friends Iggy and Doreen

More hang-out space in our house

Thought I'd take a short break from Nathan updates and show you what's new around the house. Hubs has been keeping himself busy in between helping with the baby and the household chores doing the garden, assembling furniture and one of the big highlights is the wooden decking in our alfresco area... all fully DIY assembled in just 2 hours!!!

I love it! We also got a screen installed to block out the sun, dust and insects... so the alfresco area now really feels like another extension to the house.


Here's a closer view of the floor decking material...


We just need to wait for the decking material to settle after 6 weeks, then all we need to do is to apply a coat of decking oil and this section of the house will be done. In the meantime, the area is already nice, clean and pleasant to walk on and hang-out in.

Two plus one

A few months back, when we were eagerly anticipating the arrival of our new family addition, I lamented the fact that it would mark the end of an era... the era of 'just the two of us'.

Would it mean the end of weekend morning pillow talks and slow breakfasts? Well for the past couple of weeks, it certainly seemed so. But this morning at 6am after a long night of back to back nursing, I found myself too exhausted to get out of bed to pick Nathan up for his feed. So hubs got up and brought him to me to nurse in bed.

After Nathan drifted off to sleep, hubs and I just lay there... chatting softly and looking quietly at Nathan lying there between us. Although I could barely keep my eyes open, it seemed like a perfect moment in time with the three of us in bed cuddling and nuzzling together.

So although it will no longer ever be 'just the two of us'... I've discovered that 'two plus one' is so much more amazing!

New and delightful discoveries

Following my last post, I thought it was about time I posted something a bit more cheerful to let you guys know that not everything I’m going through is so bluey and down.

Despite the physical discomfort of my wounds (which has been easing day by day) and the sometimes long nights, it’s been absolutely delightful to discover new things about Nathan each day.

Fresh and clean after a bath

All tuckered out after some tummy time

One on one time with daddy

Quietly alert after morning feed

I know every parent probably thinks this about their baby, but isn’t my boy just one of the handsomest cutest little babies in the world?

Discouraged

Had a follow up appointment at the hospital today to check my progress. Unfortunately I left feeling very discouraged over the fact that my stitches were not healing as quickly as they should due to a gap left in the seam of stitches I had to have after my labour. I'm very much aware that this thing is probably a very trivial matter in the grand scheme of things, but isn't it sometimes the seemingly little things that get under our skin the most?

They midwives were very sympathetic over the pain and discomfort I was going through. They consulted the doctor who said at this stage they could not restitch it or do anything else except for me to take antibiotics, keep the wound clean and dry and let it heal slowly by itself.

When they said it could take at least another two weeks for the gap in my stitches to heal, I just lost it. The thought of having to go through another two weeks of discomfort, limited mobility and plain inconvenience was just horrible. It was just an added burden of the whole steep learning curve of parenting we were already undergoing.

Already it's bad enough having to sift through all the well intended advice and platitudes of what we should and should not do with feeding and looking after the baby, establishing a routine for baby, looking after myself, eating this or not eating that... It can get pretty overwheming at times. And please don't think it's you... a lot of the info overload is coming from articles and books. And it's not that simple to tell us not to read this or listen to that person... Because we are new at this and do welcome good advice... but we then need to exercise judgment and discernment to figure out what is right for our situation.

So on top of all that, I really did not relish the thought of having to bear with this remnant of my battle scars for yet another couple of weeks. Rest assured I'm doing all I can to follow doctor's orders to look after my stitches, it's just that it will take longer than usual to heal.

P.S. Thanks in advance for any words of encouragement that this will soon pass. I know it will, I'm just going through it now

One week

I know, I know... yet another long hiatus from this blog. But as some of you know, a lot of pretty exciting things have happened in recent days. The most significant being the arrival of little fella...

After a long and arduous journey which started around 6.30pm on Christmas Eve when my water broke, Baby Nathan finally made his appearance at 4.28pm on Christmas Day. I'm not sure if I should share my birth story as I know it can really put some girls off. I myself never appreciated those 'horror story' tales of birthing. But as cliche as this next phrase is, the tough ordeal is just one small part of the entire journey to parenthood and the memory of the pain soon fades away. During the labour I reminded myself of this phrase my friend Irene shared once: "This too shall pass" and indeed it did.

Today marks the one week milestone for Nathan's life on earth. It's been a constant learning experience for both Nathan and us, and we're doing our best to cherish every moment of it. I'm glad to say that even during those middle-of-the-night graveyard shift feeds, when Nathan and myself can barely keep our eyes open, I've been cherishing the closeness of his skin against mine, the smell of his hair, and the rhythm of his soft breathing.

Oh, and Happy New Year everyone? Hope your celebrations were a blast. Mine was spent counting it down with Nathan, which was for me the perfect way to spend it.