A little perspective

Thanks for all the comments, virtual hugs, fb messages and sms’es to help me keep my chin up during this tough phase. It really helps so much to get me through such moments.

Apart from encouraging words, I also sought out some of that much needed perspective. Now that I am a mother, reading about articles like this one on orphans makes me more emotional over sad stories and news about children, compared to the time before we had our plus one.

So after tearing a little over that story, I‘ve reminded myself that: despite having to deal with back arching stunts, nap-time resistance, 45 minute intruders, graveyard hour nursing shifts and not so wonderful wonder weeks… I’m so glad that Nathan can grow up knowing someone will always be there to answer him whenever he cries and to pick him whenever he reaches up with his little arms.

Aaaand… there’s nothing like a little walk and some fresh air to calm everyone’s nerves down.

A caveat

After hearing some MAJOR concerns that my previous post will scare off loving friends/relatives/fans away from Nathan, I decided to write a caveat to clarify the situation.

First and foremost, Nathan has NOT morphed into a grumpy, unlovable creature. He is still his happy self and in fact growing happier each day. His laughs and smiles keep getting more and more gorgeous at each passing day. I mean, look at this!

People are still constantly smitten by his looks. He is still his irresistibly adorable little self. The only person who is the real crank is me. I guess that’s what sleep deprivation can do to a person… not that it should be an excuse, I just need to cultivate better grace to handle these moments. This is just an honest diary of an imperfect mum who aspires to grow in grace as her son grows in size and stature.

So don’t let the cranky mother scare you off. Nathan is still always ready to play and socialise... here he is happily being carried by his gong gong:

This mother just needs to get a bit of empathy and some much needed perspective.

Not so wonderful wonder week

Sorry for the lack of updates Nathan-wise. It has been a very trying Week 12. Visitors in town (father-in-law and other guests) and apparently Nathan is going through a growth spurt or wonder week where he is undergoing a major developmental leap and as a result is more fussy and crankier than usual. Coupled with guests in the house, his routine has gone haywire and has been waking up and nursing at random times throughout the day. He has been stickier to me as well and seems to need extra cuddle time, sometimes refusing to sleep anywhere else except in my arms.

I feel for the kid, I really do. It must be hard to nap with all the strange new voices and noises in the house. Also during waketimes, he is sometimes required to entertain the guests. Here's a thought: why do adults like to talk to a baby all at the same time? The poor kid is trying to take it all in and on top of that needs to dart his eyes here and there to layan each adult calling his name. Nathan is actually quite sporting and doesn't fuss when being carried by other people... but after everyone is done with him, they hand him back to me and it's up to me to soothe him and quieten him down to put him to sleep. I also have to do this almost double the usual number of times during the day as he is more wakeful and easily disturbed from his naps recently.

I am EXHAUSTED and going a bit crazy. I've also been a bit more irritable which is hard to manage with guests around. Here's another question: why do some older people have a way of pointing out the blindingly obvious? And from their expression they seem under the impression that we can't see it?

Examples:

1. The baby is crying wor! - yes, I have ears too... if you can hear it, of course I can as well... just give me a second won't you?

2. He's got a rash/red mark there wor! - I'm his mother, of course I notice every teeny tiny thing about him... I've already put medicine on it and am doing everything I can to make it better

3. The sun is very hot wor! (meaning: are you sure you want to bring him out?) - pleeeeease, these evening walks are one of the few things keeping my sanity in check from being cooped up in the house all day with Nathan. We need the fresh air before mother and son drive each other crazy up the wall!

(Note: this is not actually a list of actual responses I have, it's just what goes on in my head silently when these phrases are thrown at me)

Oh my gosh, there he goes again... waking up early from his nap. Gotta go!

(Sorry for the mini rant. Having doting family and visitors is always a blessing... it's just a hard patch I'm going through right now that's bringing this all out)

How I use traditional muslin cloths as nappies

This post is for the benefit of my friend Stephanie who has recently made the decision to take the plunge into cloth diapering. She bought a few pieces of MCNs and is expecting a package of two dozen muslin flats.

 

Although I've collected a good stash of modern cloth diapers, muslin flats still form a key part of my cloth diapering system.

 

When I first started using this, I was a little dubious about the absorption power of this seemingly flimsy material. But it’s quite surprising how well it performs… and for such a small cost (sometimes free as these are commonly received as a gift from loving friends/relatives) it’s by far the most economical way to diaper a baby.

 

The first fold I used was the traditional Chinese or Origami fold:

Unfortunately for me, I found that it didn’t hold up very well as my son is a rather heavy wetter and I had yet to discover the use of nappy covers. My other complaint about this fold is that the fold is not really concentrated around the main wetting area. There’s also a lot of excess fabric sticking out after pinning it around a small baby which I thought was quite a waste of potential absorbing function.

After I got my prefolds and modern cloth nappies, I didn’t want my stash of muslins to go completely to waste, so I decided to do some research for other ways of folding them for better absorbency.

 

Here are a couple of sites I found really useful:

1. thenappylady.co.uk - Index to Terry Folds
2. iownnappies.co.uk - Folding Flat Nappies

This was the folding method I found most effective for providing plenty of layers for pee absorbency and ability to contain newborn baby explosive poo… it’s called the ‘Jo fold’ - don’t ask me why.

In the last image, you just need to fan out the back of the nappy to form the area for where baby’s bum will go.

Then in goes baby, fold up the middle section, bring the sides around to the front, secure with snappi, add a cover and baby is ready to go!

I just love the look of natural cloth on baby’s cute little tushie

When the explosive poo started to settle down, I decided to use a simpler method to just fold it and tuck it into the nappy cover (mainly to keep things nice and easy for hubby).

This is something I improvised on my own:

 

 

My friend had some questions about whether the muslins would have enough absorbency and would be prone to leaks (which is why she bought the MCNs in case the muslins failed). From my experience they worked fine as long as you keep a few things in mind:

1. You MUST ensure that all the cloth is inside the nappy cover, if there are any bits showing you must tuck them in to prevent leaking
   
2. Pee management is about absorbency, which will not be an issue as long as you have sufficient layers in the muslin folds
   
3. Poo management is all about containment, which you just need to choose a folding method that is secure around the legs and bum area - I can tell you from personal experience that disposables will have the same issues with poo explosions, if not more so, compared to cloth… somehow I find that the plastic material just will not mould around the baby’s bum as closely as cloth and so you are left with gaps which poo can just ooze out during one of those unexpected accidents
   
4. Despite what I said in point #3, don’t hesitate to use a disposable if needed… newborn babies will poop A LOT. You’ll be doing MANY nappy changes one after another… sometimes two at a time when the poo will just not stop coming… at such times if it’s easier to just grab a disposable, just do it. And I promise you that baby’s poo will settle down to become less explosive and less frequent as the weeks go by

For further information, you can also check out my Bub Hub blog post on Cloth Nappies 101: Flat Nappies as well as it’s cousin The Prefold.

I made my own kaya!

This blog has turned into a total mummy blog! I think the only people who are taking an interest are other mummies. So this next post is for a wider audience in mind. I haven’t blogged about anything cooking related lately, so thought I’d mix things up a bit with a post on making my very own homemade kaya!

I found the recipe here and saw how easy it was. This recipe could go into the 4 Ingredient category… and it only takes about half an hour to make - not kidding! After you read about this, I can bet you’ll be heading into the kitchen to try this one out yourself.

Tools required
Mixing bowl
Whisk
Microwave

Ingredients
Eggs
Coconut milk
Sugar
Pandan leaves/flavouring

The recipe indicated quantity of the ingredients in terms of ratios of 1:1:1 for the eggs, coconut milk and sugar. For the flavouring, you only need 1-2 leaves or a few drops of essence.

To give you a clearer idea of how much coconut milk, sugar and eggs to prepare, here’s how much I used to produce about 350g of kaya:

4 eggs
200ml coconut milk
1 cup sugar
Quarter teaspoon pandan essence

Now to put it all together:

1. Whisk eggs and sugar together in a large bowl

2. Place in microwave and heat on high for one minute, remove from microwave and whisk vigorously

3. Repeat step #2

4. Whisk in coconut milk and pandan

5. Repeat step #2 twice

6. Repeat step #2 four more times, but reduce microwave time to 30 seconds

With all the repeated heating and whisking, you should end up with a mixture that looks like this…

The microwave times I indicated are based on roughly halving the ingredient amount from the original recipe. If you want to double it, you should adjust the microwave times accordingly.

As you microwave the mixture, you may find the eggy bits start to turn a bit grainy or slightly lumpy… don’t worry about it, just keep whisking it down each time until you get a smooth texture.

If you find your whisking strength is just not enough, you can do what I did - use an handheld electric whisker. Just be very careful not to splatter it everywhere as the mixture gets VERY hot.

Then after that, just decant into jars and containers…

And there you have it, fresh and yummy homemade kaya… made with easy to find and cheap ingredients in an instant!

Now go forth and make your kaya… and don’t forget to take photos and show me.

The amazing back arching stunt

Nathan is pretty much an angelic baby most of the time. So far I’ve not had to post a single grumpy photo of him. But Nathan is a normal human baby, so there will be moments like this…

What was he so upset about? Well apparently it was very upsetting to him that his dear mummy tried to offer him a second breast after he pulled off the first one. It seems I must be a terrible mother for daring to do so.

Lately he only nurses on one side for about 10-15 minutes and then pulls off. I always try to offer him the second side because I’m always dubious as to whether he really is full… after all it’s only been 10 minutes. Sometimes he will take the second side… the other times he will just go '”enough is enough!” and pull one of these…

I think all mothers will be familiar with this back arching stunt. I really am a terrible mother for laughing and snapping photos while her dear son is pulling this stunt in evident frustration.

Jokes aside, the 10-minute speed nursing is a bit of a puzzle for me… I’m wondering if his sucking speed has really increased so much that he can fill his tummy in just 10 minutes? Or is it just another wonder week thing?

So what are some other things that (sometimes) bring out the non-angelic side of little Nate? Well, here are the top five in order of intensity of the back arching stunt:

5. The aforementioned offering of the second breast during nursing

4. Being put down for a nap without the obligatory cuddle time - usually preferred in the sling

3. Putting on his pyjamas/night time onesie at bedtime after his bath - we’re not sure if it’s because of the long sleeves or the fact that it’s bedtime… he doesn’t fuss about getting dressed during the day

2. Pain - such as immunisation jabs

And the winner is…

1. Having his phlegm sucked out from his nose with the dreaded bulb syringe… this is the WORST torture for him no matter how stuffed up his nose is

Actually these are the only things I can think of, I really struggled to come up with anything else beyond these five. Apart from these few things, very little else upsets him.

Anyway, these back arching stunts are always short-lived and he will always revert back to his sunny self a moment after…

Evolving routine

This post is mainly for the benefit of my parents. We try to skype about once a week during the weekend so they can have a glimpse of their beautiful grandson.

Unfortunately this weekend’s session was shot due to a poor internet connection and awkward timing. They called around 4.30pm which previously was when he would be awake for his late afternoon feed and wake time. However as his routine has been evolving, he was asleep at that time and would only be waking up in a hour’s time. At around 6.00pm we tried skyping again but ran into the connection issues instead.

So I thought to give them (and anyone else interested) a view into what his current routine is like. I guess this could also be sort of a between week 11 and 12 update.

We previously followed a 3-hour routine, but I’ve started to stretch it to 3.5 hours as I notice that I’ve had to wake him up for his feeds most of the time lately… here’s what we are currently roughly working around:

7.00am: first wake up time of the day, feed, nappy change
7.30am: wake time/play
8.00/8.30am: put down for nap

10.30am: wake up from nap, feed, nappy change
11.00am: wake time/play
11.30am: put down for nap

2.00pm: wake up from nap, feed, nappy change
2.30pm: wake time/play
3.00pm/3.30pm: put down for nap

5.30pm: wake up from nap, feed, nappy change
6.00pm: wake time/play
6.30pm: bath time
7.00pm: last feed, sleep

11.00pm: dream feed (i.e. late night feed just to help him last a bit longer for the rest of the night)

Please don't call him a robot baby... it's not an exact schedule but is just a rough routine which really helps us to plan our day around him better. As it’s not exact, there are a lot of variations to the routine - the timings can vary by plus/minus half an hour or so. Sometimes he wakes up a bit earlier, sometimes he wants to stay awake longer, sometimes I let him sleep a little bit longer if I feel he needs it.

During his wake/play times, I let him wiggle around and look at his toys in his baby gym for 10-15 mins or so. Then I let him have some tummy time followed by play time with mummy. I will talk and sing to him, hold him up so he can pretend he's a big boy standing on his legs (he absolutely LOVES this). After this I start winding him down for his nap... usually holding him in my arms or I putting him in the sling so I can move about while he winds down.

He's gradually improving with the stretch between 11pm until the next morning. There were a few setbacks here and there where he woke up in the middle of the night and needed a feed, but we're getting there one night at a time.

Since this week’s skype session didn’t work out too well with my parents, here is a little something to give them a boost for the coming week.

I promise to post up more photos of the beloved grandson over the next few days.

Mummy the kangaroo

I think every mummy has a secret weapon in her list of baby items.

This is mine…

Anytime Nathan is tired or fussy or just doesn’t know what to do with himself, this almost always the sure thing that will calm him down. Over time he fusses a lot less (he didn’t really fuss much to begin with anyway) and the only time I generally use this is toward the end of his wake time - I’ll put him in the sling so I can move around to do other stuff around the house while he quietly watches me from inside the sling. I always put him down while his eyes are still open, then he’ll go on to soothe himself to sleep - minimal or no crying involved!

There are many articles which advocate the numerous benefits of babywearing - one article by Dr Sears even says that “the womb lasts eighteen months: nine months inside the mother, nine months outside”. I’m not sure if I buy into that concept completely, but I definitely love the closeness and cuddliness I get from carrying Nathan in the sling. I’m also certain Nathan’s face lights up the moment he sees me putting on the sling and getting ready to slip him inside.

I use a ring sling but there are so many other different types of baby slings and carriers and slings out there. I considered getting a wrap sling like the Moby wrap which is one of the most versatile carriers in the market. In the end I decided on the ring sling as I preferred the trimmer style without compromising too much on versatility.

I admit it’s somewhat a little bit of a sleep prop. I try to not always use it and usually will put him down in his crib first to see if he can fall asleep on his own… sometimes he does, but more often he just wants the extra cuddle time before settling down for hap. My very wise friend, Irene, assured me that the sleep prop is not the sling itself, but me!

My only concern is over articles and people cautioning me against sleep props and spoiling the baby, but actually I really don’t mind ‘slinging’ him around for those few minutes. It’s really another one of those baby things which I only get to enjoy at this season when he’s still tiny and cuddly - soon it will pass. Already I’m choking up a little when I remember those early weeks of intimate midnight cluster feedings when he was so tiny and vulnerable, desperately sucking my milk with all his might for survival… his teeny tiny hands pawing at my breasts, holding him close to mould right into the curve of my body, the smell of his skin and hair nuzzled against me… aaaah… I better stop before I really tear up.

Week 11 update

We’re midway through week 11. Nathan is growing rapidly… I can really feel him getting heavier as the days go by. He now weighs around 6.2kg - this is based on our primitive weighing method of stepping on the scales with baby, then stepping on again without baby, and then calculating the difference.

Nathan’s smiles and laughs just keep getting more and more charming. Things that make him smile and chuckle include:

1. Waking up fresh and happy after a good nap to mummy’s beautiful face looking down at him ^_^

2. Mummy singing his current favourite songs - Cole Porter’s ‘True Love’ and Sunday School classic ‘Little By Little/He's Changing Me’

3. Daddy playing bouncy-bouncy with him

4. Practicing standing on his legs like a big boy (still with plenty of support and balance in the background from mum or dad)

The big highlight this week was rolling over from tummy to back. On Monday morning tummy time, Nathan was just flopping around as usual and for a moment everything just clicked into place and in that split second I watched him flip onto his back all by himself. I was ecstatic and smothering Nathan with kisses exclaiming “Did you know what you just did? Did you know what you just did?”. Unfortunately I didn’t snap a photo of the moment, but here is a post-flip shot of the jubilant back flipper…

I think he was a bit pooped from all the exertion, and probably also a little puzzled at mummy’s excitement. I think the whole episode was sort of an accident for him and he was just like “eeeerrrr… soooo… what just happened?”. He hasn’t repeated the back flipping again since then, but it does show some physical development of what he is capable of.

Nathan also caught a little cold. Sigh… so young already got sick. I bought one of those bulb syringes to suck out the phlegm from his nose. He goes berserk each time I use it on him. Sometimes it takes two grown adults (namely dad and mum) to conduct a phlegm sucking session. Apart from a bit of runny nose and an occasional cough, he’s been a pretty happy baby.

His wake times are getting longer to close to 1½ hours, including feeding. After waking up, he’ll nurse for about 20-30 minutes, then I’ll let him wiggle and stare happily at his toys in his baby gym, followed by some tummy time, and then some cuddles, singing and talking with mummy.

Another big thing is that he managed to sleep through the night, skipping his 3.00am feed two nights in a row! I thought we were on a winning streak but then on the third night he woke up again at 3.00am. Oh well, we’ll get there eventually.

I’m contemplating stretching out his day cycles to closer to 3½ - 4 hours. The reason is because I always seem to have to wake him for almost all his day feeds. Sometimes I wait until after 3 hours since his last feed and still have to wake him up. But part of me wonders if I’m jumping the gun there as we’re still not yet home free on the sleeping through the night milestone. Should I wait or should I move forward with the stretch?

Mummy the cow

So I just started pumping my milk regularly. I bought a Medela breast pump some weeks back but haven’t really used it except for the first couple of days after I got it to test it out.

I’ve only been doing it once a day in the morning for the past few days. I’m planning to go back to work on a part-time/work-from-home basis but going into the office for a few hours once a week for some ‘face time’. So I’ll need a good supply stocked up for that, plus it’s always good to have some in stock for emergency situations. Not sure what the emergency would entail but always good to have something just in case right?

Been doing lots of reading on pumping and handing expressed breast milk. Here are few things I learnt:

1. Breast milk can be stored up to 3 days in the fridge and up to 3 months in the freezer

2. Breast milk should never be heated in the microwave as it will change the chemical and molecule composition of the milk

3. To warm up refrigerated breast milk, set the bottle it in some hot water for a few minutes, then swirl it gently in the bottle - never shake it as this will damage the molecules

It takes me about 15 minutes to get about 3-4 ounces of milk. I sit myself down comfortably on the couch in front of the TV, have a photo of Nathan ready to admire to encourage my milk to come (strangely, it really works!), position the breast shields appropriately and away I go (gosh, don’t I sound like a cow!)

The only annoying thing I found at first was to have to hold breast shields in place with my hands during the entire pumping session. I was not able to multi-task and it was pretty tiring holding up the breast shields the whole time. So if you’re planning to pump, here is a very useful tip I found for this:

>> How to make your own hands-free pump holder

I tried this and it does work pretty well though it’s a little bit fiddly at first to attach it to your bra strap and all, but once the pumping is underway, it holds the breast shields quite steadily.

Then I came across this:

Hahaha… that image should have made you go “whoooooah!!!”. Amazing right? But pretty clever. Then I thought, this is just like a sports bra but with holes cut out in the right strategic locations! So I made my own version using some elastic fabric the physiotherapist at the hospital gave me to help with the tummy support after the birth.

Now I too can enjoy hands free pumping!

So it seems all is going well in the pumping department, but not so well in the bottle feeding department.

When I first got the breast pump, I tested it out on myself and I decided to try and see if Nathan would take expressed milk from a bottle. He did that one time, so I thought if the time came for him to drink regularly from a bottle he would be fine. So recently I got hubby to try feeding Nathan using the bottle for practice…

Such a beautiful picture right? However Nathan actually didn’t take kindly to the bottle at all. Finally he got so frustrated he just lost it and just wailed at the top of his lungs. So we decided to finish off the feed with me feeding him directly instead.

Oh well, we’ll try again next time. Maybe both dad and baby just need a bit more practice time with each other.

Night nursing

So as mentioned in my last post, we’re not quite over the sleeping through the night hurdle fully just yet. I’m fine with it for now… just take it step by step. Till then, night nursing will still be a regular part of my daily routine.

So how are you set up for night nursing sessions?

Here’s how our nursery is set up…

(BTW, if you’re planning to have baby in a separate room, you might find it really helpful to have a bed in the room - especially in the early weeks when you’re still in exhaustion mode after the birth and baby is nursing around the clock. I found it much better to be able to lie down and nurse so I can doze off if I need to. It was also found it easier on my bottom because of my stitches)

So for night nursing, the important tools for me are:

1. Baby monitor - please excuse the tape, it’s a pre-loved monitor from a friend so the volume control is sometimes a bit fiddly, other than that it works perfectly

2. Comfy pillows -  need plenty of good back and arm support to get into the most comfy position

3. Bedside lamp - I realised that it was important to keep the environment as unstimulating as possible to keep those night nursing sessions all about just eating then going back to sleep. Our bedside lamp, though small, was still a bit too bright in the middle of the night for my liking, so I draped an old scarf over it to create a more ‘romantic’ setting

 

3. Water - always essential for all breastfeeding sessions anyway. So I always remind myself to keep a bottle on the bedside table to avoid having to scramble for some water in the middle of the night

4. Phone - nursing sessions are always the best time to catch up on Facebook updates, blog feeds and searching through online articles on solutions for all my burning baby questions

Week 10 update

Nathan is 10 weeks and 3 days today. His toothless gummy smile gets ever more charming each day and it’s what I look forward to seeing every morning. Unfortunately I can never capture that grin it all its gummy glory on camera because the moment we hold that shiny black and silver object up in front of him, he just stops and stares at it super intently…

With a lot of coaxing and funny faces from mum and dad, he will eventually give us a sweet little smile like this…

Then once we put the camera down, he'll flash us another gummy grin and we will be like “haaaaaiya… now only then you smile!”. Cheeky fella! Nevermind we’ll get that grin out of you on camera one day!

As you can see, Nathan’s legs are getting stronger. He can support his weight on his legs pretty well, with of course some help from mum or dad to keep him balanced.

He’s also already learnt to suck his fist. Not all the time though, usually when he’s tired, so it’s one of the cues I look out for to know when he’s ready for nap time.

He’s still not yet sleeping through the night consistently, though I have a funny feeling that he’s actually ready to drop the middle of the night feed but his biological clock just still a little stuck at needing to wake up at 3.00am every morning. I’m still contemplating a few options to tackle this:

1. Gradually help him shift his clock by waking up 15 minutes earlier bit by bit until we get his clock aligned closer to his late evening feed - this approach might be a bit fiddly and may take some trial and error to get the right timing

2. Get a pacifier and use it to help him settle back to sleep - however we’ve never used a pacifier with him before, so I’m a bit dubious about this as I don’t want to start a bad habit, plus I’m not even sure if he’ll accept it

3. Wait and see approach - just tahan a few more nights or weeks and see if he’ll eventually drop it on his own

Anyone have any other tips or ideas?

Further thoughts on applying Babywise

It was interesting to see the feedback on my last post on the Babywise system. Seems like other new parents (just like me) are looking for reassurance that if they can’t follow the book exactly, it doesn’t make them bad parents. So as a follow on, here are some random thoughts on my own experiences when trying to apply all the systems and methods we’ve read or been taught about…

On the “whys”
As a new parent, the biggest question I had when something unexpected happens is “why”. I believe it’s only natural to look for the “why” to help us determine the “how” to overcome the same problem the next time it happens. Why is baby finding it so hard to fall asleep? Why does baby want to nurse all the time? Why is baby not behaving like he should? There is of course no single magical answer, but I found it helpful to at least learn that I was not alone. I turned to numerous resources… parenting websites, blogs, forums, facebook, friends. I had my phone with me and was constantly surfing and reading various articles while I nursed Nathan. I will not tell you not to worry or be concerned, because when baby is crying or not settling, you ARE concerned - no point people telling you not feel a certain way, it’s only natural you feel those emotions as you try all sorts of solutions and suggestions on baby. The emotional rollercoaster is all part of the journey.

On the Cry-It-Out method
I gave every principle in the book a try which I’m glad I did. At least when someone asks me, I can say I’ve tried it and be able to articulate to what extent we could apply it. Most of the points in the book I had no problems following as they just follow general common sense anyway, but some controversial methods like the ‘Cry It Out’ method I was a bit more dubious about. One time I put him down for a nap and I went to the kitchen to cook lunch. In theory he should learn to eventually drift off to sleep himself even if it involves some crying. I was midway through the process of cooking something on the stove when he started crying. It quickly progressed to a wail which was uncharacteristic of him. I couldn’t really stop what I was doing immediately and I reasoned that perhaps he just needs to cry-it-out as they say. Well soon I was in tears hearing him cry as I rushed to finish what I was doing. I found him clearly in distress so I picked him up and nursed him until he calmed down. Safe to say, I decided not to attempt a full blown cry-it-out session again. These days when putting him down for a nap, what I do is to carry him for a few minutes in my arms or in my sling until his eyes start to droop, then I put him down in this cot.

On cluster feeding
At one point I used to wonder why Nathan needed to cluster feed all the time? I tried to look for explanations - Is it a growth spurt? Is he forming a bad habit of using me as a pacifier? Is he feeding to much at the risk of becoming obese? The book seems to suggest that cluster feeding should only be occasional or lasting a few days at a time which was not the case with me for weeks. I was quite stressed about it at first but in the end gave in to his needs. I think it’s better to go by baby’s cues and meet his needs rather than agonising over what’s right or wrong, especially in the early weeks. Babies need only a few things anyway - nursing, sleeping or sometimes a cuddle. To deprive them of one I’d say is just wrong. After a few weeks, the constant cluster feeding has settled down. So I think babies know how much food they need, even if it seems like they’re a bottomless pit. If you find it draining, you can learn to nurse lying down on your side like I did.

On routines
The most important thing I took away from the book was about the need to establish clear routines. Note the use of the word ‘routine’ as opposed to schedule. So for each main feeding cycle for Nathan, I worked hard to ensure he had a good feed, followed by some wake time, then sleep time. In the early weeks it doesn’t always work perfectly… sometimes Nathan was just too sleepy and couldn’t muster up a decent wake time, sometimes he had trouble falling asleep, sometimes he just nursed and nursed for hours… and sometimes the continuous nursing happened in the middle of the night! It was discouraging at first, but I reminded myself that poor Nathan was still brand new on earth and was still just learning how to survive and grow… with plenty of milk, sleep and cuddles. But I still had the eat-wake-sleep routine set up as the main point of reference in my mind to revert back to at all times, and sure enough we’re now well on the way on a good 3-4 hour routine throughout the day which leaves me ample time to do other stuff during his nap times.

I’ll continue post other thoughts and experiences as they come to mind down the track. Hope some of you new mums and mums-to-be out there find it helpful!

Review of the Babywise system

Today I thought I’d tackle a more serious topic on the subject of the Babywise book (latest edition now called ‘Preparation for Parenting’) which many of our circle of friends here in Perth would be familiar with.

Prior to conceiving, we attended a preparation for parenting course hosted by our church. It was a close-knit group of other fellow young adults who were thinking of becoming or about to become parents. We had a great time as every session was packed with jokes and laughter as we discussed various topics and asked all the burning questions on our mind about what to expect when the baby arrives.

We went home armed with methods and systems and high ideals. Sure there would be challenges, but as long as we are disciplined and stick to the book, we will be fine.

Then baby arrived on the scene and all the information on the great systems and methods we had pieced together started getting stretched at the seams (note that I didn’t say it fell apart, but it sure did stretch us).

So what are my honest thoughts about the book?

1. I was appalled to discover the numerous critiques against the book and the authors’ credentials. Just googling ’Ezzo’ returned so many negative feedback results.

2. I realise that although the information and guidelines provided in the book were true, there were not actually groundbreaking. Many other websites and articles I came across advocate similar concepts and guidelines.

3. The book set us up to form expectations and assumptions on how baby should behave if you follow the system, which led to a tremendous guilt trip when things don’t turn out as expected due to different situations and circumstances.

4. The book provides rather limited guidance with troubleshooting problems. Babies are not robots, often they will not go by the book, they don’t even know much less care about the book. So when something unexpected happens, the book offers little help.

On the various key points made by the authors in the book:

1. The eat, wake, sleep routine - this was a big deal in the book, however even the midwives at the hospital were guiding me along these similar lines as well as various parenting websites… all common sense really, when baby wakes up they’ll be hungry, feed them, then let them play or interact with them, after playing they’ll be tired so it's sleep time

2. Keeping baby awake to take a full feed - again even at the hospital, the midwives were advising me to keep him awake during nursing, in fact they were more specific in their tips on what exactly I can do to keep baby awake

3. Feeding baby every 3 hours on average - also a well accepted principle in the medical field. All the nurses, articles and books were saying the exact same thing… i.e. feed them every 2-4 hours, don’t let baby sleep too long, don’t be afraid to wake baby to nurse etc… no contradiction whatsoever

The book suggests that following the above principles will help baby sleep through the night by by Week 9 onwards, but then caveat it saying that not all babies will be the same and some will not sleep through the night until weeks down the track… what the? So it seems following the system is no guarantee for baby the sleeping through the night after all. Actually other articles I read say the same thing - that baby may start sleeping through the night around 2-3 months, but even if they don’t it’s okay, just persevere with a good daily routine and they’ll get there eventually. Same thing right?

So what’s the conclusion?

Despite the above points, as a new parent it definitely still served as a helpful general guideline to provide a rough direction of where to head toward. However I would not to take it as the gospel truth for parenting. There are many quirks and situations which is impossible for one book to cover. As I said before, the information in the book is not groundbreaking and there are heaps of other resources which follow similar principles and even provide more detailed tips into the specific areas covered in the book.

By all means, if you’re a new parent don’t dismiss the book as it is still a valuable guideline. But be prepared that facing the reality will be quite different. The book serves as a sort of general compass, but it doesn’t always help you with navigating and circumventing through the rough and rocky road of parenting. If you’re like me, go ahead and delve into other resources for further help. Some resources I found really helpful include:

1. babycentre.com.au

2. whattoexpect.com

3. babywisemom.com

4. askdrsears.com

5. mamapedia.com

6. Facebook/talking to friends

If you have read the book, no need to throw it away, but just bear in mind that you will probably need to do further supplementary reading along the way to troubleshoot those unexpected situations.

If you haven't read the book and have never really established any form of routine or structure with your baby, you might find this book helpful. I certainly did, which is why I am able to sit here and blog about this while my baby sleeps peacefully on his own in the other room.

Next: Further thoughts on Babywise

Mugshots

Soooooo… we are planning a trip back to Malaysia sometime in November. While we were booking the tickets, we learnt a couple of things:

1. You cannot book international for your infant without his passport details - the website will just NOT let you move forward past that page

2. Your child MUST have his/her own passport - gone are the days of children travelling under mum’s passport

Hence the urgency of getting Nathan’s own passport had just stepped up a few notches. I had planned on getting it done over the next few weeks but because of the above points we then had to get it done ASAP.

In my research on the requirement and documents needed to get Nathan's passport organised, I came across this nifty little website called epassportphoto.com. Basically it's a free website where you can upload your own photos and use the online tool to crop and resize it to the passport photo requirements for your desired country.

Nathan has the privilege of being the product tester for this tool. I had to do many attempts before I managed to snap one that met the required guidelines set by the Australian passports website… but of course it was no problem with a digital camera.

It’s not much better than a mugshot but for just 30 cents printing at Big W it’s definitely better than paying $10-20 for an even dodgier looking mugshot at some discount chemist photo booth.

Not a bad job actually, eh? I don’t think the discount chemist could have done better. I did think of tickling him to get a smile or a slightly more cheerful expression, but then I’d run into other issues of the photo not meeting the requirements of having a neutral expression etc.

Hubby submitted the application on Tuesday at the post office. The clerk inspected the documents and the photos and filed it - so confirm can pass! I’m definitely going to use this tool for myself next time.

(P.S. I have no incentive whatsoever for sharing this great discovery other than the joy of sharing something really cool with friends and family)